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America's Finest News Source Newswire   Man With No Friends Tells It Like It Is   Vomiting Woman Sorry   Art Restorer Throws Extra Banana Into Still Life   No Stopping Back Sweat Now   Swarm Called Off After Only 12 Bees Show Up   Brother’s Name Repeated In Disbelief   Friend’s House Smells Like Aunt’s House   Newly Purchased Condom Worn Out Of Store   Prom Queen Called To Dance Floor For First Slow Dance With Principal   Unsettling Feeling Of Self-Worth Creeps Over Area Man   Grave Digger Is Perhaps The Most Influential Monster Truck Of All Time,’ Begins C- Essay   Pretty Girl At Work Followed All The Way To Parking Lot This Time   Other Family In Restaurant Really Living It Up   Couple Imagines Each Other To Prolong Sex   Laid Back Ant Colony Refers To Queen As ‘Judy’   Stricter Version Of Employee Handbook Written Specifically For Keith   Landlord Has Person Of Same Ethnicity Who Helps Him   Hitchhiker With Machete, Driver With Machete Can’t Help But Laugh   Instructions On How To Throw Frisbee Shouted From Acr